PHoD World Tour of Greece

Ancient Greece, the Heroic and/or Hellenic Age suddenly gets hit with a Very Large Brick with Obvious Hyena Pawprints on it… This doesn’t really surprise anybody, 'cause the Shabby Hyena Thing is well known for Hitting with Bricks more or less anything and everything that moves… Yes, I know temples and citadels and things don’t actually tend to move very much, being pathologically indolent to the point of utter inertia. But things that move metaphorically. Never mind.

Having been very abruptly hurled by circumstance into the heart of Africa last year, Fifi and I have, sadly, now slowly returned to the pile of rubbish that is Britain by way of Greece, stopping to peer thoughtfully at various ancient sites. Thus arriving home after what feels like longer away than it probably was, PHoD has taken his old Ancient Greek Project out of the Big Sack or Bag in which it’s been mouldering for some years. And hit it with some new bricks, once he’d remembered what the hell NWN and Gmax were and which way up they were supposed to go.

Above, you can see the whole problem of Ancient Greek Warfare. For reasons inexplicable to me, all the warriors involved seem intent upon hitting each other with swords and spears. Now, to my mind, they’d all do much better with a good, solid, trusty Big Brick… Anyway, be that as it may…

I’ve never been rabidly enthusiastic about Ancient Greek myth and history as a basis for a NWN series, so I never did much about it, unlike all the Indian, Central and South African and (NOT) Egyptian stuff I did, and am doing more of. But, having meandered back through Greece, Fifi and I picked up a few ideas and inspirations and so, since what I had already done was sitting in the Big Sack or Bag in a single, easily defined spot - unusual for any of my stuff - I thought I’d poke it with a stick, just to give the bricks a day off.

Fifi asserts that a sudden need, apparently bordering upon the sociopathic, to make ancient Greek pots is a manifestation of my old Morbid CaneBasketosis which some of you may recall from back in the day on the Indian stuff. She just might be right… Aside from heaps of rubbish pots, there’s a fair bit of architecture done thus far and a range of shields with authentically Greek patterns on them, some statuary, those Chariots that were somewhere in an image above, hiding behind a Dog, and… and I think there might be some other stuff too. I forget. Still a bit jetlagged. Which is eerily freakish since we returned through Greece on foot (and occasional ill-maintained buses driven by kamikaze maniacs called Kostas who seemed to harbour a mortal and bitter hatred of goats and donkeys, swerving toward them at every opportunity, especially near cliffs) interspersed with insalubrious ships. No jets were involved. So it must be shiplag… Need to work next on some clothing parts that actually look moderately Greek.

Anyway. This, because it’s all in more or less one place save a few rogue textures from the gruesomely vast Demoness Tales Haks, will be what I throw at the Vault next.
However, I do vaguely recall being in the middle of a load of Rubbery Spleen Creatures for the Vault when Fifi and I got sent very abruptly across half the planet to flail about in a rainforest for scientific reasons and not because the museum just keeps trying to get rid of us… probably… Anyway, I forget exactly what I was doing last year, but I can find out easily enough. I’ll try to dig them up, add a load more Rubbery Spleen Creatures for good measure and put them up at some point soon-ish… (As always upon return from fun field research expeditions, there is the not at all fun Overworked Period where we have to write up so-called learned papers and reports from stained, tattered field notebooks covered in fascinating green and red splats of obscure origin which smear the rubbish handwriting amusingly, laced carefully with squashed Nuclear Mosquitoes, so time’s limited just now…



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With my oft-times childish sense of humour, I just love that shield (tongue sticky out one). Oh and welcome back.



Sadly, having got it into the game, every time I look at that particular shield now, even in the middle of all out war, a voice in my head shrieks “It’s Conrad Poohs and his Dancing Teeth!
Thank you, Terry Gilliam.


Ey, PHoD!

Would you believe a while back, before going on my semi-annual Warcraft binge (to soon end once I’m done with the inevitable endless grind), I was looking for some Greece stuff? Albeit it was uh, to give to minotaurs because I’m still a bit lost on what to do with them in a worldbuilding perspective outside of ‘shove into labyrinth, hope for the best’, and I’d just looked at the two versions of minotaurs that D&D 5E has (No, I don’t know why they have two minotaurs, I think one is generic and the other is Dragonlance?) for inspiration

Looking swank all the same

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Welcome back!

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And some shield designs that DON’T bring Conrad Poohs and his Dancing Teeth to mind.

Of course, whilst Scorpions and Leopards and Falcons and Octopi and things might seem to be reasonably legitimate emblems for warriors, I wasn’t sure about the Ram, but then decided it might be useful for passing Argonauts looking for Golden Fleeces. Also, I cannot help but wonder why anybody should choose to rush into battle bearing a shield with a wafty, web-footed water bird on it. Not the most intimidating of things. But, I suppose Swans did crop up in Greek myth a bit, so I let it pass… Might be useful for simpering dolt characters.

And a shield with a Big Whopping Pig on it was too amusing to avoid. Also, legitimately, both the Erymanthian and Kalydonian Boars come into the stories I’ve planned and, if you’re going to fight a Freak Monster Pig, you might as well have a Freak Monster Pig on your shield, right? Um… there’s probably some sort of twisted logic to it…

And is a Pegasid particularly intimidating as shield designs go? Maybe. Maybe it says to your enemy “Fear me for my horse can fly and I’ve trained it to dump on my enemies from on high.” A load of horse-manure descending from the stratosphere without warning would be intimidating, right?

Not so sure about a warrior, easily identifiable as such by his lumpy great warrior’s helm, applying a lumpy great warrior’s helm design to his shield. What’s he thinking here? That nobody can see the one on his head in plain view? Men.

A load of Bullshields. No, sorry, that should be Bull Shields. Whilst selecting assorted Greek designs I allowed myself the extravagance of multiple Bull designs because there’s a filthy cult in the stories who worship and act for the apocalyptically evil Minotaurs, so what else are they going to have on their shields?


Looking good. The swan could legitimately be an emblem of Zeus (look up the tale of Leda and the swan) from greek myth.


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And now for some horrid humour…

The return of the prodigal plushiness!

Beware not of geeks bearing gifts!

Thrill to the tales of Indian and Jones as they brave the land of satyrs, centaurs, and minotaurs whilst aided by ouzo-infused suicidal bus drivers!

But in all seriousness… lovely, just absolutely lovely work as always. Seeing the octopus shield, I couldn’t help but wonder if there is a Cthulhu shield hiding in the mix!

And is Fi Fi done with being Natasha or does she tell you on a given day who she is? Many years ago, I was involved with a young lady who maintained three different personas who became irritated when I could not guess which persona she was… at that particular moment in time. Apparently, her outfits were supposed to identify which persona she was. Her girlfriends knew the code, but I was expected to guess. There is more to that story but I don’t wish to derail your triumphant return any further…


Oh, Natasha’s easy - possibly only due to our decades of togetherness… But as she’s half Russian and half French, she tends to sound distinctly Russian when she’s Natasha (herself) and liable to deck anybody within reach, but sounds very French when she’s “Fifi” which is generally around bedrooms and… I’ll just shut up now.
Outfits, though wholly legitimate indicators of a great many things, wouldn’t be a practical option for Natasha since she can often switch personas up to ten or twenty times per hour. Or more. Now, I wouldn’t mind her throwing her clothes off every few minutes, but…

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Wobbegong! Sorry, not relevant, but I was compelled by Incomprehensible Forces to write it… Anyway, should have a big pile Greek stuff thrown at the Vault in a few days; at the moment just checking some of the walkmeshes on the buildings that have little courtyards and recessed areas with nice vines on frames overhead and so forth…

Vines which, by rights, should look a damn sight nicer, but my lovingly hand crafted new vine texture appears to have completely lost itself somewhere or been abducted by aliens in my absence. Thus I’m now having to use the old, somewhat shabby vine texture scraped off the bottom of one of the Demoness Tales Haks and I’m sure Luce has been trampling on it, 'cause there are hoof marks on it… But at least the amusing Fish Mosaic Mural Thing texture is intact. Because it’s highly amusing. Well, to a loony like me, anyway.

Note also walkable shop area under roof, beside courtyard with amusing comedy fish. There are also assorted unremarkable houses so as to have normal buildings as well as huge temples and such. Just be aware that loathsome rubbery Cyclops Spleens have a perceived tendency to attack any such structures the mono-ophthalmic scum beings catch sight of and will try to crush to pastes anybody in the vicinity.

So, anyone contemplating taking a trip around Ancient Greece any time soon, remember to pack your Cyclops-Be-Gone Spray and Minotaur Repellent.


Continuing the - by this point probably futile - thread, PHoD discovers that, as always, Disgusting Spleens are smashing the shiny new Custom Content to pieces before it’s even finished due to them all having bad cases of Bacterial Spleenosis… Though, how “shiny” a load of old stone can be, I don’t know…

Statues… Hoped to get several more done yesterday and was lumpily thwarted by the fact that Natasha and I spent the entire day (not quite the entire day, but…) transcribing material from squashed field notebooks, avoiding the crushed Nuclear Mosquitoes on several pages, some of which were still trying to resurrect, peel themselves off the stained paper and suck all our blood out with their vile hypodermic mouthparts of death…
Anyway, statues - those that haven’t been smashed by Filthy Spleens, as above, will therefore currently consist largely of the assorted warrior statues seen in previous posts of the thread, plus the two generic deity statues, one female, one male, as below. Which fit nicely in the handy shrines provided.

There will be further statues, some of them BIG, for assorted deities and a couple of monsters, but if I wait until I get them all done, given the amount of work we’ve got at the moment, none of this stuff will be on the Vault for another 2000 years, so…
Oh, yes, here we go again - I turn my back for a few seconds and the Rubbery Spleens have another go…

Rrrrrrgh! What is it with you Killer Spleens, hm? What in Artemis’ name is your problem? You just can’t emerge from your rancid cave of a morning without DESTROYING A BUILDING can you? I mean, what is this; some hopelessly stunted psychological reaction to your own incurable heinous unsightliness? Or are you just pathologically incapable of seeing ANYTHING AT ALL without trying to kill it dead into tiny pieces?
Damn Spleens; that’s all I need is Spleens. Never cut you any slack…
RUINED Greek Architecture Placeables will also now be available. Apparently.


The word spleen comes from Ancient Greek σπλήν (splḗn).

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The first Big Sack or Bag of PHoD Ancient Greek Stuff is available NOW on the Vault in the likeness of a big pile of grey things. Link below.

Included will be a disarrayed heap of architecture which can be used as individual buildings in the middle of nowhere or can be thrown in vast piles to pretend they’re a city. Or they can be painted bright pink and used as the most Unrealistic Goat Placeables in the history of the Universe.


When I was poking around in the toolset i saw this, perhaps it is just a simple missing texture mishap or if it was done intentionally but it appears to be just a simple small thing I noticed.

the missing texture is inside PHoD_Aegypara

ah… interesting :slight_smile:
NEW version of the Hak is now located where the other one was, with the Missing Texture glued firmly into it. The rubbish, nasty, reeking, vile, old sub-standard version has been taken away and hit with a Big Brick and jumped up and down on and crushed to a paste and shall never be seen again…

PS:- Wall3t - what was the point of me explaining about the City Wall Placeables on the Vault Sub Page if you go and place them wrongly with all the lumpy bit below the base height, that’s supposed to be underground, raised to be visible and thus look very silly indeed?
It’s ONLY there to fill in lower areas of uneven Tileset terrain or where the walls cross water. Like I said. Ho-hum.


Is the above post supposed to convey any specific meaning?
If so, not knowing who the lurid weirdo is, you’ll have to explain it to me… sorry!